May progressed and the packing intensified as did working to finish the last minute school work. Some lessons has been postponed due to my having had major surgery days before Christmas and with a grueling 16 week recovery once allowed there was much house work to catch up on. Suddenly some lessons fell behind again so the final few weeks of school were a heavy push to hurry and finish the lessons. In addition to finishing lessons we had pre-traveling appointments, packing, band and orchestra concerts, drama performances, dance company performances, recital pictures, and two dance recital dress rehearsals and performances each. May was packed.
Yet somehow with all of this going on I still had to find time to clean, pack, paint, finish ripping the carpet out and laying the hardwood flooring, replace the baseboards, learn how floor the stairs, learn how to hang doors, and tear down a wall in our garage, all without loosing my mind.
While doing all this preparing the kids for the long awaited return of their father was also in heavy swing. We were dealing with behavior issues due to nightmares about how changed their daddy was going to be. The dreams they were having were far from pleasant, in fact downright frightening for the kids.
I learned the behavior issues I was dealing were all normal under our circumstances. All behavior issues in children with a parent who has been gone for an extened period are normal regardless if the child has had regular contact or not. If the child has not had contact with the missing parent the bahaviors can be more extreme. 5 and under kick scream cry, hit and bite a lot due to not fully understanding why their parent left them. These children do not always have the communication skills to express their thoughts, feelings, frustrations, or understand the reason for the leaving int he first place. 5-10 yrs hit, kick, bite (yes still biting (UGH)) fight, argue, talk back, refuse to help, sometimes refuse to talk much at all and scream. The same behaviors are common in the tween ages through the teen through just simple down right defiance to family rules.
Children naturally test boundries and rules, but when there is a devision in the family the testing can be more difficult to deal with. When reuniting the family many fears suddenly resurface for the children especially if the missing parent has gone off to war.
Going off the war the children worry as much as the remaining about the death of the parent in the war zone, and if they will return changed in a bad way. Our children see on the news and on TV about the effects of war on many and sad and scary state that some of these soldiers return. Some children have personal first hand experience, and those experiences increase the fears for their loved ones.
Finding a way to combat the fears is chanllenge. Helping children cope when one knows a return like that is likely would be very difficult. Thankfully we were blessed with helping them cope with their fears and turn them into excitement.
By this point May was almost over and the kids were counting down the days until we could leave to see daddy return to TX. We also had the house almost packed and the kids were starting to calm down just a bit.
