Funny Stories For Lip Injury

So I got tired of saying I collapsed a seat in a van to load dog crates and smacked myself shoving my glasses into my lip. Yes, something that takes real talent, so I asked for some funny stories about how I ended up with a huge cut and stitches on my face. Here are some of the responses I got back :)

Cheap way of a DIY nose job (Jo)

I knew I should have warned her about that Ninja that hides in the back of my van. Oops (Trish)

I know I don't cook often - and this is exactly why. My concoctions are SO good that people go a little crazy fighting over the leftovers - this poor girl obviously missed her mouth completely and injured herself with the fork. (Les)

"So I was taking an e-cig smoke break at work when this van suddenly pulled up to the curb with a loud screech. Out jumped three hooded men dressed in black, and they grabbed another man in a dark blue suit, threw a hood over his head, and started dragging him into the van. Having recently graduated from Marielle Hanson's International School of Kickboxing and feeling a bit over-confident, I decided to intervene. 

"The first guy never saw what was coming and may never wake up. The second guy saw what was coming, but not quickly enough and is now recovering nicely at the VA hospital, although it's not clear whether he'll ever be able to eat anything but soup again. The third guy proved to be a little more problematic because he was trained in the martial arts and threw a few punches that landed before I took him out with a roundhouse to his chest that cracked three of his ribs and punctured a lung.

"Anyway, it turned out that the businessman was Ryan Gosling working on the set of the new Jason Bourne movie, and that I was finally able to quit my day job and become Hollywood's newest female action hero. Look for me and Gosling in the movie when it comes out. We kind of hit it off, so to speak, and recently decided it was time for us to share a loft in SOHO. He's even better looking in person than he seems onscreen." (Micheal)